Not Better
by ardavenport
Summary: Young Obi-Wan learns a hard lesson about attachments.


**NOT BETTER**

by ardavenport

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"AAAIIII-IIIEEEE!"

The scream jolted Obi-Wan upright in his seat. Over the heads of the other passengers he saw a couple of yellow feathers fly.

"Oh-oh-OH-OH!"

"Oooh, get it out!"

More voices added to the sudden chaos in the front of the car. Eyes wide, Obi-Wan caught a flash of motion darting back and forth across the aisle between the rows of seats, coming toward the back where he sat with Master Qui-Gon.

"No! No! Get it! Someone get it!"

"P-p-p-iiiffff-sssss-shh-phiiiifff!"

No one was getting it. They were just squawking and shrieking louder and jumping up onto their seats. Obi-Wan slid down, carefully lowering his feet to the carpeted floor and then crouched low by the base of the seat in front of him.

"Aaaiiii-eeeeee!"

"UUUGH! Get that thing out of here!"

"Beeech-ough! Nuuu-Haught-Taaaph!"

"OH-OH-OH, CONDUCTOR! Where's the conductor?!"

Breathing slowly, carefully, his gaze fixed forward, Obi-Wan laid his hand on the floor, palm upward. The blur of yellow and brown paused for a fraction of a second, the little creature's antenna twitching before it rushed for cover again. Another person hopped up onto their seat. An alarm started blaring, an emergency warning for their car to disconnect, drop out of the train and land. Something loud clanged, vibrating through the floor.

Obi-Wan kept his thoughts still except for one, that his hand would be a very safe place to go hide in, safe from the big feet all around.

"What's going on here!?" a booming new voice demanded from the front of the car. "Who pulled that alarm!?" The screaming and cawing died down immediately except for one high-pitched voice.

"Feenu! Feenu! Don't anybody step on him! He can't hurt you!"

The creature ran onto his hand and stayed there. Obi-Wan exhaled and his fingers closed gently but firmly around the little armored body. He lifted it up to his face to see. It was a tirach, a common creature on Coruscant, especially in the lower levels. But this was not a creature that had ever nested and burrowed into garbage tips. The ruff of yellow fur around its head was soft and clean, as well as its long fluffy tail. Its little forehands curled over his fingers and its slender antennae switched back and forth. It had two sets of orange eyes looking up at him as if begging for mercy.

"Feenu! Feenu! Please, Dad, please! He can't hurt anybody. Don't let anyone hurt him, please!"

"What's going on?"

"Ere'z a poodoo-eating tirak in 'ere!"

Climbing to his feet, Obi-Wan lightly touched the tips of the antenna and the fur ruff. The tirach blinked and let out a low, very quiet chirp.

"Let me see, Obi-Wan."

Leaning toward him, his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, held out a hand. Behind him through the window, Obi-Wan could see the landing platform that their transport car had come to rest on, some surprised travelers looking curiously at the unexpected arrival. The alarm in their car stopped. Obi-Wan held up the creature.

"Such a small creature to have caused such a large upset." The tirach slow-chirped a little louder. Qui-Gon smiled, stood and Obi-Wan backed up into the aisle. The woman opposite them hissed and flattened her ears as she drew back to get as far away as possible from the little creature in Obi-Wan's hand. Her corpulent blue seatmate spluttered an inarticulate objection.

"Feenu!" A boy in a long pale orange tunic and pale blue boots thumped down the aisle to the two Jedi. He was not much older than Obi-Wan. A man in a fitted suit, the same species and more than twice the height of the boy followed closely behind.

"Oh, Che'hen! Your mother told you to get rid of that thing. She's going to be furious with us. And now we're going to be late."

The boy stopped. "But Dad. She's my friend! My BEST friend. She can't hurt anyone and she hardly eats anything at all." The tirach's antennae perked up and she chirped louder.

Che'hen held his hands out and Obi-Wan offered Feenu out to him. He held his palms together like a platform for Fennu to alight and stand on four of her six feet. She chirped; her long fluffy yellow tail swished. Che'hen touched his nose to her antennae and smiled a thank-you to Obi-Wan.

"What is this?!" The conductor pushed past the father. He was a big, burly man in a stiff-collared gray uniform with a shiny badge hanging from a cord around his neck. He was almost as wide as the aisle of their transport car and had bumpy leathery-gray skin and a ring of stubby horns that were more like teeth framed his face.

"It's quite alright." Qui-Gon held up a hand. "The miscreant has been captured and I'm sure that her owner can keep her from getting loose until he reaches his stop."

"Eh?" The conductor wrinkled his nose up at Qui-Gon, tall and bearded, with long brown hair tied back from his brow. Then his eyes spied Feenu.

"What?!" He quickly bent forward, his big hand snatching up Feenu. Che'hen gasped. Feenu wriggled desperately, just her tail and head with a bit of yellow ruff visible in the big man's hand, her antennae feeling in all directions, looking for an escape.

"Hey! No, you're hurting her! Give her back!"

"You're not allowed to bring things like this in here." He pointed at the boy. "These cars are for sentients only. Not vermin." Che'hen backed up fearfully, his eyes staying on Fennu whose pairs of eyes locked back at him.

"I'm sure," Qui-Gon laid a hand on the Conductor's shoulder, "that she won't be a problem until - - - "

Eeee-eee … !

The conductor's fat thumb came down on Fennu's head and he tightened his fist, cutting off a faint, high-pitched half-chirp.

Crick-rick-ick-iiissshh.

The fluffy end of Feenu's tail, sticking out of the bottom of the Conductor's fist, stopped moving.

Che'hen's mouth opened in wordless horror, his purple eyes wide with disbelief. Shocked as well, Obi-Wan stared as the conductor took out a large white disposable sheet from a belt pouch and wiped the golden gore, broken limbs and body off his hand and then wadded it up. One stray delicate antenna dropped down to the floor.

Che'hen's turned eyes filling with tears to his father, hoping his shocked parent do the impossible. "Dad …" The word dissolved into a sob. His father quickly knelt and wrapped his arms around the boy.

"Why did you do that?" The father accused the conductor.

"Would you rather have this thing making its home in your panty? It's filthy feet all over your food? Spreading disease? Making your children sick? He shook the wad with the crumpled body inside in the man's face. "This was a female, too!"

"Dad …" Che'hen wailed into his father's shoulder and he hugged his son tighter. Obi-Wan's throat tightened.

"That was not necessary."

The conductor finally turned to Qui-Gon and shook the hand off his shoulder.

"I say what is necessary on my train and I think the three of you have caused enough trouble here. You can get off and get another transport.

"Really." Qui-Gon lifted his head and put his hands on his hips, conspicuously pushing his dark brown robe back and exposing the lightsaber on his belt. The conductor's eyes flicked downward and his stern glare wavered.

Obi-Wan took the same stance, hands on hips, robe pushed back, though he was much too young to carry a lightsaber outside of the Jedi Temple. He was still a Jedi Padawan and his Master was a knight, a senior Master. The Jedi brought justice to the whole galaxy. The conductor's badge only worked on his train. He glared displeasure up at the big man and his injustice. He had executed an innocent creature; he had no right, he would . . . would . . .

He glanced toward Che'hen, but the other boy was still crying in his father's arms, oblivious to any confrontation among the adults. But Che'hen's father looked at him and Obi-Wan dropped his arms, suddenly feeling foolish. He had not felt any danger before the conductor grabbed Feenu, and even Qui-Gon looked surprised when it happened. The damage was done; the injustice could not be un-done. Che'hen cried louder.

Obi-Wan suddenly felt lost, the Force that he had felt such a connection with that he could coax Feenu to him seemed to have evaporated.

"Get back to your seats," the conductor growled, turning away from Qui-Gon and shouting out to the rest of the car. "Everyone get back to your seats!" he ordered. "We'll be picked up by the next train shortly. Back to your seats!" He still held the white wad and its grisly contents in his fist. The other passengers grumbled and complied.

"Come on, Che'hen." His father had to pick him up and carry him forward back to their seats. He did not even glance back at the Jedi. Obi-Wan saw the conductor toss the crumpled white thing in his fist into a disposal chute.

"Obi-Wan, take your seat."

He looked up. Qui-Gon pointed at the window seat.

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan moved past the aisle seat where he had been sitting before and climbed up by the window. Next to him, Qui-Gon sat back and sighed, closing his eyes. Obi-Wan looked out the window. People in gray uniforms were directing the crowd away from their car. Obi-Wan wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve.

A few minutes later their car rose up into the air, the platform falling below. They coupled to the end of another train and were soon zooming over city surface of Coruscant again, on their way back to the Jedi Temple.

A large hand touched his shoulder, the back of his neck.

"Obi-Wan."

His Master turned him toward him and lifted his chin upward. Obi-Wan looked up into Qui-Gon's very blue eyes.

"You are sad, my Padawan."

"Yes, Master." He lowered his eyes. "I know I should not be." He looked up again, but his Master's lips curled up in a gentle smile.

"No. If you are sad, then you should be. You should not hide or hold back your feelings, Obi-Wan; otherwise, you will not be able to let them go." Qui-Gon's hand touched his Padawan's lock and the short braid behind his right ear. "Now, close your eyes and clear your mind."

Obi-Wan gulped, but did as he was told, sitting back in his chair, back straight.

"Calm your feelings, Obi-Wan, still your mind."

The sounds of Feenu's little body being crushed and Che'hen's keening into his father's shoulder did not want to be pushed away, but finally the noises in the car around them receded. Except for his Master's voice.

"Focus on the people here around us. We are all connected through the life within us. How do they feel?"

They were a group noise, thinking and whispering about adult things, but unlike when their trip started, there was a commonality to them that was not there before.

**Horrible creatures . . .** **Poor youngling . . .** **I'm going to complain to the . . . ** **It was a bit harsh, but . . . **

** Eeee-eee-eee-eee why? Why? WHY? Dad. Feeeeee-eeee-eeee-nu . . . **

Obi-Wan felt like he was balanced on the edge of a fence, swaying dangerously back and forth, almost falling into Che'hen's grief. The memory of soft fur still clung to his hands, the gentle chirp still in his ears, now ended with a crunch and one last death-squeal from his little friend, once so lovingly and secretly fed, groomed and trained to prove to his family how clever she was. His desperate need to hold Feenu again burned into him, his empty hands clenched tight on lost hope, crushed and thrown into the disposal.

Losing his focus, Obi-Wan opened his eyes and looked up apologetically at his Master, but Qui-Gon did not seem disappointed with him.

"The boy was very attached to his pet. It will be very hard for him to recover from the loss. If he ever does," Qui-Gon told him.

"Why did the conductor do that? It was wrong. We should have stopped him."

Qui-Gon slowly shook his head. "The conductor was within his authority to act as he did, though it was unnecessary and cruel. And I did not foresee his actions. Did you?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. Almost as much a horror as the act itself was the suddenness of the conductor's hand squeezing the life out of Feenu; a quick tightening of his big hand and the terrified little creature was gone.

"The Force does not come to the Jedi simply to preserve the attachments of others. And it is now time for you to let go of it." His fingertips lightly wiped Obi-Wan's wet cheek.

No attachments. It was part of the core of the Jedi code. The Jedi did not keep possessions, seek power or wealth or bind themselves to any other persons.

Or have pets.

Obi-Wan could see it now with a clarity he had not before. Attachments could hurt you when they were taken away, or when you failed to save them from harm and cruelty. That was what the Masters taught. He nodded.

"Then it is better to have no attachments."

Qui-Gon's hand slipped under his chin, lifting his head again.

"It is the Jedi way to have no attachments, to never seek or cultivate or accept the loyalty, the affection of another above all others around you. That is a form of possession that is forbidden to Jedi, even if it is rooted in the most innocent and selfless love." He briefly cast his blue eyes forward to the front of the car. They could no longer hear Che'hen's anguish, but they both knew that it was still there.

"But to have no such attachments," Qui-Gon shook his head sadly, his hand dropping away, withdrawing from Obi-Wan's face. He folded his hands into the opposite sleeves of his robe. "That is not 'better'."

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 **%%% END %%%**

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 **Note:** This story first posted on tf.n on 4-May-2015.

 **Disclaimer:** All characters and the Star Wars universe belong to Disney and Lucasfilm; I am just playing in their sandbox.


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